Musings on Motherhood

Next Tuesday, March 12th, Odin will be 3 months old.

I can't even believe I just typed that.

It's astonishing how quickly time flies and how suddenly you realize that those first couple months are in the past. Sometimes I feel like I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm not pregnant anymore; other times I feel like I've been a mother for years. It's a weird pendulum-swinging sensation, where in the course of a day I go back and forth several times from one extreme to the other. It makes the rapid passage of time since Odin was born all the more bewildering.

There was a time in my life when I felt that I didn't ever want to have children, though I changed my mind a few years ago. It wasn't because I didn't like children, it was more because I wasn't sure I would make a good parent. I guess nobody ever knows for sure what kind of parent they will be until they become one. Now that Odin is here and I have gotten used to the idea of actually being a mother, when I look ahead I see that all I can do for my kids (plural - assuming I have one more) is make the best choices I can, love them unconditionally, and try my best to show them the beauty in music, art, kindness, and laughter. I will undoubtedly make mistakes, but I hope I can be honest about my mistakes and use them to teach my children. I want to show them the joy in silliness, that while people can be awful they can also be wonderful, and how to be self-reliant. I'd like to teach them that it's ok to feel sad, just as it is ok to feel angry or happy. How I'll teach my kids all of these things is something I'll have to figure out as I go, but I hope I won't lose sight of the things I think are important for them to know.

It's amazing that this journey is now underway.